A New Job

Can you ever be sure that the decision you is making at this point, or at any one point for that matter, is the right one? I guess you can never be. After a night of tossing and turning, and waking up all sleepy and grouchy at 7 plus AM this morning (the earliest in over a year, mind you) to 1) a concerned hubby shaking my shoulders 2) a concerned father's phone call 3) a concerned mummy's sms 4) and my nokia hp's super annoying alarm, snoozing for the 3rd time..... I embarked on a new journey that will take me to another phase of my working life - a new job.

Many friends and colleagues have asked me whether I am excited about the move. Hmm.. after the withdrawal symptoms I felt the last time I left my newspaper job, I would say I feel more apprehensive than excited. After all, journalists typically don't adapt well at all in "normal" working environments. I've gotten so used to waking up at 11am, going to work when it's lunchtime for most working adults, speaking my mind without thinking twice and wearing exactly what I feel like wearing to work (cept on days where there's parliament and ministerial or ceo level lunches). So much such that my brief stint in a statutory board backfired badly and brought me back where I came from - back to square one.

But the same problems that I faced the first time round have come back to haunt me all over again - unearthly hours (1) I have dinner at 11pm four out of five days a week 2) I earn about 20% less than my peers. All journos do, you see.. 3) I no longer have the fire in my belly that gives me springs beneath my heels and the neverending energy - what it takes to get solid news scoops - while getting peanuts and working 12 hour days.

Therefore, I tendered my resignation about a month ago after securing what I believe is a better job. This time, there are no tears.. just a bit of sadness and some apprehension.. fear of not being able to fit into a normal corporate environment. After all, can one ever be sure that something else is "better"? What are the defining characteristics of "better"? Is it pay? Is it fun colleagues? Is it shorter working hours? Or greater personal achievement?

So as I was thinking these thoughts on the MRT this morning, squashed like a sardine between others just like me during the rush hour, I whipped out a copy of The Daily Bread, which I had spotted lying on the shelf in church and taken yesterday during worship service. Funnily, it's a copy dated March to May, which is not even here yet. But I decided I could do with some good old spiritual reminders to start my important day.

The words jumped out at me. The message for the day - March 1 - was about Identity. The author wrote, "Who am I? As we strive to manage our interpersonal relations with one another, participate actively in social activities, keep on changing jobs.. isn't all this ultimately about finding out who we truly are? But even if we finally manage to find our place in the workplace and affirm our identities through our career achievements, who, then, will we be after retirement?

The good news is, says The Daily Bread, that our identity is found in Christ. That, no matter what we study in school, what we do for a living, what is the designation that appears on your name card, we share a single identity - born again Christians.

I alighted at Raffles Place MRT station in a frenzy (I was running late you see.. nobody is late for work on their first day).. but I kind of felt at peace, knowing that it doesn't really matter what I do and whether it is a better job or not. Followers of God, that's who we are, and who I am. Heehee.